'Only Chiwenga is fit to use men's toilets in Zimbabwe'

'Only Chiwenga is fit to use men's toilets in Zimbabwe'
Published: 28 November 2017 (650 Views)
The Trekker has been wandering up and down for a while but has since bowed to pressure to present what he has been getting in the journeys.

This marks the birth of The Trekker - a column on all that is happening around us; the carnivalesque (jokes and humour) to both the news and noise makers. The Trekker will keep you posted.

Of Chiwenga's virility
The Trekker was charmed by the jokes that oiled the weeks before the coming of a day that I have seen it imperative to share with some who might have missed the carnivalesque moments.

Word is making rounds that the only real man in the country is Commander General of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces General Constantino Chiwenga after leading his soldiers in the military intervention to bring back Zimbabwe to normalcy. Word is that he is the only one worthy to use men's toilets – for the rest, the opposite is true.

My colleague Lyton Ncube would easily jump to associate the discourse of virility with CG Chiwenga. It then means more work for councils out there in creating more public toilets for use by the men who do not fit to use men's toilets.

So important has become CG Chiwenga that he has been touted to fix homes that are having serious problems out there. And so happy were the people that they even went to an extent of creating EcoCash transfers to the man of the moment CG Chiwenga. Jokes sometimes bring salient issues to the fore. Jokes are one way the subalterns speak.

Husband's workplace not your workplace
The Trekker advises you accordingly. Murume haatevegwi kubasa; unomudzingisa.

The Trekker bumped into this piece and I thought I should share with you. Those who have ears have heard. Rimwe gore ndakamboonesa.
Of poor road networks

I hope Madzudzo Pawadyira is not just eating while turning a blind eye on the road that connects Unit J and Chitungwiza Central Hospital. The road is in bad state for years. Councillors come and go.

Commissions come and go and some members in the current commission running the affairs of Chitungwiza at one time nearly left the council kneeling and yet the road in question continues unattended.

A river is slowly developing. Another gulley is developing at Zengeza 4 shopping centre Pagomba.

Godfrey Tanyanyiwa had his day at Harare Central prison mungwarire. Ende tozvireva.

Harare City Council authorities should know that maintaining the Caledon-Maruta stretch in Hatfield is not a priority as they always rush to resurface that good part. Attention is needed to resurface the Caledon-CocaCola stretch please. The road has been in bad state for more than a decade now.

Michael Chideme could you kindly tell mashefu kana mopinda misangano.

Hookers' price slash
So happy were the people in the days of the military intervention in bringing sanity that some prices were slashed countrywide.

B-Metro says there were price slashes in Bulawayo by ladies of the night.

The Trekker could not just sit on his laurels, there was need for intervention so words that reached The Trekker is that in the Avenues, the women who are touted as providing certain essential services reduced their prices.

It then means that for the whole week there were a lot of horizontal gymnastics happening in the Avenues there.

The Trekker is not sure whether the prices are still slashed. Don't say The Trekker told you of the price slashes, you will find yourself being extorted after the final whistle of the adults match.

H-Metro's lenses surely will gather bits and pieces of your shenanigans.

Big brothers don't pay
So the big brothers in town no longer want to own debts. Of course mari irikunetsa but it should not be netsaring to an extent of failing to pay punters at the betting shops.

By the way, Peter Barr at SOCCER SHOP did u finally resolve to pay those young boys their varying amounts? The boys from that Minister sided with you as they fought in your corner not to pay and you really proved that you are the big brother of betting.

I am tempted to think in the lines of political economy because the then minister said you had to pay but after some meetings with the minister's boys you were cleared. I feel pity for the boys.

I can hear a fading voice from Leonard Karikoga Zhakata saying; kwekuturira kuriko nyangwe zvako kapi kangokunetsa. Surely the gods are not crazy. There are also complaints coming from other betting houses. Zvotoda Chiwenga zvimwe zvacho.

The Trekker does not sleep. He has now gone on another journey looking for some yesteryear news makers. Where are you Mathew Kaunda? The Trekker will soon find you somewhere in Domboshava there.

Feedback: WhatsApp 0716 941 861

- hmetro

Tags: Chiwenga, Mugabe, Coup,
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